Quiverfull A Second Look

February 7, 2009 — wilkinson4jesus

We had a question asked to us the other day. It is a very valid question about the hard decisions that are required to make when people have a Quiverfull Heart (letting YHWH have control of our womb and the number of children we have) and being faced with seemingly impossible situations due to sickness and disabilities.  When do we do we draw a line, and take back control, or do we. Truly this is a choice we can not make for anyone else. I know a lot of die hard QF people will differ with this opinion. But prayer and seeking our Creators guidance is key. He is the one we must answer to above all else. I know it is always easy to give answers that sound noble when we are on the outside. But we opened our heart to try to see what we would really do.  Here is the question and our answer.

  1. Joyful Housewife Says:
    February 4, 2009 at 12:05 am edit

    I had a question for you after having re-read your “About us” page. When I got married I was hoping to have as many children as possible but much to our surprise my body just doesn’t seem strong any more, nor very healthy. I’m disabled in one leg but I’ve also suffered disability in my pelvis with my first pregnancy. (Our sweet baby is 3 months old now!) I couldn’t sit down, walk, lay down… I couldn’t do anything except try and survive the relentless pain! I’m still crippled and in severe pain so we don’t dare get me pregnant yet. Not only because of the pain but because how would I care for our baby while incapable of moving? And after months and months of no sleep due to the pain while pregnant I’d be even more useless!

    I have to admit that I feel like a failure as a wife. My house is a wreck because I am limited in how much I can be up on my feet moving around. (This is due to my leg and also my pelvis but it’s mostly the leg.) I can hardly minister to my husband (if you get my drift…) and I can’t even get down on the floor with our baby. As for natural birthing… I had to have an epidural and a c-section due to everything going wrong. I couldn’t breast feed because I was totally crippled for weeks after the “birth.” (I couldn’t even have a real birth!! I tried a home birth but had to be medevaced to the hospital 200 miles away after two days.)

    I’m doing my very best to make God the centre of my life. We don’t watch TV or listen to popular radio stations etc. I live in submission to my dear husband. I do my best to dress modestly and I cover my head as much as I can but if I get too hot I faint. (I never used to be like that!! It’s been like this since my pregnancy) I don’t do any of these things in some kind of judgemental reaction to “everyone around me” even though I openly blog against ungodly things (not people!!) on my blog and in my life. I love people and I have nothing but great love for my friends, family and neighbors but I am not afraid to denounce ungodly things and I avoid all activities that might lead to temptation and/or are contrary to the law of God even if it doesn’t seem “that bad.” Sometimes I feel like a total snob for not “gonig out” with friends or visiting many people. I feel that my duties lie at home FIRST and only then can I go about visiting ~ or if my husband wants me to come visit with him or says he’d like to see me go and do something like the Gregorian Chant class I’m taking. But I feel most of my energy should be focused in the home. But I think I look like a judgemental snob because I stay home more then I “go out.” I hope I’m not giving a bad witness of Jesus.

    We’re going to home-school our kid(s) but sadly we are facing the very real reality of possibly having to limit how many children we have due to my weak body! I hope that this does not make me a bad Christian woman.

    I never expected to be such a weak, disabled woman. I’m only 33 years old! I thought I’d be a hard-working wife that… Well, my husband has never once complained against me or made me feel bad. He’s so very good to me and treats me like a queen! I’m very blessed! I just wish I could do more hard work!!!

    I do my very best to be as happy and joyful as possible though I find myself getting snappy when I’m in too much pain… I hate that. But I always apologize!!

    Goodbye for now and God bless! How I miss Alaska! But I am very happy here on our island on our organic farm. God has been so good to me! My life is so wonderful!

  2. wilkinson4jesus Says:
    February 7, 2009 at 2:16 pm editDear Joyful Housewife,

    I was glad you commented on our blog. I hope I have or can find words or thoughts that may encourage you, I did not comment right away as I wanted to give more prayer and thought to the answers I wanted to give you.

    I spent some time reading your blog again. You have been blessed with a beautiful baby, and you looked joyful as well.

    First let me say that being “Quiverfull”, is as we feel, YHWH’s best for people as a general rule. That being said, we must consider we live in a fallen world where our adversary the devil is out after our destruction. We have come to the conclusion for our selves, that if we were faced with a situation where we needed to bottle feed instead of nursing (which is our Creators natural birth control and child spacer) That we would consider using NFP (Natural Family Planning) or Barrier method. To act as a replacement for what YHWH intended in breastfeeding besides just nourishment. At least for a year or two.  Or until you feel ready to give this area to YHWH again after you heal up. This would be our choice from what we have read from your comment and blog. We feel that it is no worse than taking medicine for any other time that we have great need of it.  But the choice is based on a real need, until YHWH intervenes and our body is healed by natural or supernatural means. We do not feel that this makes someone less QF, any more than some one purpously not breastfeeding just so they can have more children, as if this is a race or a contest. These are hard decisions that need much prayer.

    That being said, we would not recommend any chemical birth control as it is harmful to you and is an abortive. If you need more information on this please see our blog post on the Birth Control Pill. Randy Alcorn has written on this too as we mention in that post. We would also discourage either of you from any permanent fixes. Here is a link to Quiverful.com where they have many things on birth control and sterilization. Also you might want to read another QF post we wrote, if haven’t all ready. It speaks of being content in all things, weather we are blessed with 10 or zero children. Truly being Quiverfull is a matter of the Heart first and foremost. I have known people that have several or more children for what ever reason, but are no more QF than the man on the moon. YHWH looks on the heart, and men look on the number of children in this case.

    There does need to be a common bond in your decision as husband and wife. Looking toward your husbands leadership, as he searches out these answers from a biblical direction. Pray together and you might consider fasting. Facing something like this together is a big strength.

    I looked up your condition (pubis symphasis disorder) on the web to read up on what you were facing. I found a lot of information. I was interested in what I found from a personal perspective as well. With all of our five children I have had varying degrees of some of these symptoms. The worst was with our first born, and our fifth born. Although my experiences were not as severe as yours. I found that there are several main therapies that seem to be recommended. Some would be good to try while you are not pregnant, but still experiencing pain to see if they work. That way If you do get PG again you will already know a possible coarse of action. They also seemed to mention that if one treatment doesn’t work to try and try again. I don’t mean to imply you have not, as I do not know your whole case history. But I wouldn’t want to see you give up to early. Your daughter would be so blessed to have at least one sister or brother. Stay encouraged, and don’t give up hope.

    As far as house keeping and the like, it can be a battle for even the best of us. Try to look for the things that make the biggest first impression, and work with many small breaks to rest your body if need be. Pray for help as you work ) .  We purchased a dishwasher for this very reason, I could not stand for that length of time when I was pregnant. That way I had more energy to do more else where. Jason vacuumed for me a lot too, as he doesn’t mind vacuuming to much, and it was the other main area I needed much help in (during pregnancy especially).

    You also mentioned your concerns about how you may come across to others as you are forced to make quality decisions about priorities in handling time with family and friends. There is much to be said for the Probverbs 31 woman she is a good Godly example, as in Titus 2 we are given another good example. We are to give to YHWH our best and next our spouse then children. After our duties are fulfilled there then we can share and minister outward as YHWH and your Husband direct. Through our Godly examples of love humbleness and submission we will give off the Godly light of his witness in our lives to others. This doesn’t mean we don’t look for opportunities to share Yeshua’s Love with others as these people are put in our paths. I would highly recommend TITUS2.COM ministries and materials to you. They have a lot of information on time management, and other things you mentioned.

    Continue to be filled with the JOY of YHWH, as his joy is the source of our strength. Search the Word for verses on joy and strength and healing. This could be a great chance for continued growth in Him.
    With Blessings In YHWH,
    Jason & Anna Wilkinson
    Simple Living Alaska

Posted in Birth and Babies, Quiverfull. Tags: . 6 Comments »

6 Responses to “Quiverfull A Second Look”

  1. tami lewis Says:
    February 8, 2009 at 11:02 pm

    excellent post! i really enjoyed reading it. you answered with such grace and kindness!

    Reply
  2. shelley p Says:
    February 10, 2009 at 5:38 am

    I agree an excellent post, your answer shows you put so much prayer and thought into it. I pray that such a dear lady will be blessed with peace from God.

    Shelley P
    from over the pond

    Reply
  3. Marie Says:
    February 17, 2009 at 4:42 am

    I simply love your articles on being Quiverfull. My husband and I definitely are. The number of children we are blessed with is definitely in the hands of a higher power.
    I have a question for you. Our baby is 3 1/2 years old now and I am having trouble conceiving. I think I must have some kind of hormonal imbalance. It is very painful for me to see the months come and go with no results. I guess I feel like I’m not doing everything I should or could be and I end up feeling guilty. I know when the time is right more children will come along and I want to be very reconciled. Is there some type of nutritional supplement I could use? Do you have this same thing in your life and if so I’d like some suggestions. Another thing I think makes this hard for me is our last 3 children were exactly 2 years apart and now I’m just wondering, Will I have any more? I am only 38 years old and feel like I’m too young to be done.
    Any encouragement you could give me would be greatly apreciated and I hope I have not asked you something too personal. If you would rather not reply, I certainly understand. Take care and I love reading your blog daily.
    Marie in NC

    Reply
  4. Jen Says:
    February 23, 2009 at 1:01 pm

    Hang in there Marie :) we have a 5 year age gap between our first 3 and my now 26 month old and 13 month old. God has a plan for you and your family just wait and see. Let Him be in control of the matter. i tell you what I have been waiting and waiting to get that positive result every month but i had to remind myself its God plan when it happens not mine. So though we try we know its Gods time not ours. Keep your head up and Ill pray for you and your family.

    Reply
  5. wilkinson4jesus Says:
    February 25, 2009 at 8:54 pm

    Hi Marie,

    I like what Jen had to say. (Thanks Jen)

    Thanks for the question. We have had our children between one and a half to three years apart. There have been a couple of times when we thought it should happen and it didn’t. But it eventually happened. Maybe you could look into the methods of NFP, so you can see when you are cycling and that may help to see when, and how often you are ovulating. You can use NFP to assist in getting pregnant as much as you can use it to avoid it. We would not endorse “trying” to do either. As it is better left in the hands of our creator. But it can help to see if something is wrong or imbalanced. If there is an irregularity then you could look into something to help put things back into good health. There is nothing wrong seeking to be in good health or to restore a healthy balance. I do not know of any herbal or other ideas of hand to help in that area. A check up with the Dr or health care person wouldn’t hurt if it has been a while. The biggest thing I could suggest to “rest” in the YHWH. I felt led that this passage from Psalm 37 would help you. This is some great medicine… remember the joy of the YHWH is our strength!!!

    Psalm 37 (NKJV)

    Psalm 37
    1 Do not fret because of evildoers,
    Nor be envious of the workers of iniquity.
    2 For they shall soon be cut down like the grass,
    And wither as the green herb.
    3 Trust in the LORD, and do good;
    Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.
    4 Delight yourself also in the LORD,
    And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
    5 Commit your way to the LORD,
    Trust also in Him,
    And He shall bring it to pass.
    6 He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light,
    And your justice as the noonday.
    7 Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him;
    Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way,
    Because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass.
    8 Cease from anger, and forsake wrath;
    Do not fret—it only causes harm.

    ~Blessings, Anna & Jason~

    Reply
  6. Marie Says:
    February 27, 2009 at 10:12 am

    Thanks so much for the encouragement and the needed reminder to just try to be patient. You are such an inspiration to me and my family. Keep your good thing going. Take care.
    Marie

    Reply

Leave a Reply

«

»